Writers Thought Dumps – 3

INT. BABY’S R US CHECKOUT COUNTER – AFTERNOON

A man walks up to the checkout counter and puts down baby wipes.

Checkout woman smiles as she grabs the item.

CHECKOUT WOMAN
How old?

Another woman walks up and puts random items on the counter.
MAN
How old?
CHECKOUT WOMAN
(scanning)
Yes, the baby wipes, how old is the baby?
MAN
(puzzled)
Uhm … 36.
CHECKOUT WOMAN
36 days old?

Man glances over at the other woman and than back at the checkout woman.

MAN
(slowly)
No … 36 years old.
CHECKOUT WOMAN
The baby wipes are for someone who is 36?

The checkout woman surprised, almost like she wants to laugh.

MAN
Yes, that was for myself.

Other woman stands more surprised, looking like she wants to chuckle.

Checkout woman, biting her lip, rings out the baby wipes.

OTHER WOMAN
Uhm, okay; That is not something you get much of or hear about.

MAN
Well, I just want to make sure all is cleaned up and tidied up back there.

Checkout woman turns chuckling.

Other woman laughs, looking at the checkout woman.

OTHER WOMAN
(in between laughing)
That’s something … that’s good.
(pauses)
It is just something no one really does.

MAN
Well, I like to clean up.

OTHER WOMAN
(again laughing)
That’s good; I apologize for laughing, it is just not much you hear much of, at least I haven’t.

MAN
I guess.

Watches woman bag item.
MAN
Based on how you are laughing, I guess it was good that I didn’t get the baby powder to powder my bottom.

Other woman tries not to laugh, but cracks up; Checkout woman turns and does the same.

CHECKOUT WOMAN
(intermittent laughter)
Like you said, you wanted to clean and tidy up.

OTHER WOMAN
Were you serious about the baby powder or were you just adding on due to our laughter?

AWKWARD SILENCE.

The man stands, thinking, like someone who wants to say yes but doesn’t.

Checkout woman cracks up; Other woman cracks up because she’s laughing.

Man silent.

Checkout woman tries to speak, but can’t; She falls to the ground laughing.

Man puts money on counter, and looks at the two women laughing.
MAN
I’m just going to put that here …
(looks at them)
and you can keep the change.

He starts to walk, but stops and looks back.

He puts down the baby wipes and takes a couple out.

MAN
Due to how much you are laughing and how hard … you both might need a little tidying up yourselves.

Checkout woman, cracking up, shakes her head yes.

Man picks up the baby wipes and slowly walks off looking at them.

Other woman tries to speak, but keeps laughing.

Man watches as the checkout woman tries to get up, but can’t.

Man walks off.

Other woman, still cracking up, tries to grab the receipt, but just hangs over the counter cracking up.

Checkout woman grabs a baby wipe, and falls again, cracking up while holding it.
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